Martin Christmas and a Sad Goodbye

Oh you guys... I know i've been starting lots of posts this way lately, but I really do want to thank you SO much for your support. I've been really trying to stay positive and just be there for Austin and his family. I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been hard - I just hate to see people sad and see people grieve. I don't know what it's like to be that sad over a loss, so it's been a little rough. Anywho - thank you all for your sweet, uplifting comments and support. :)

Backing up real quick, January 1st was pretty much a doozy. Just eating, watching TV and eating. Haha The boys (Austin’s little bros) did come by to stay – but that’s about the only action me, Austin and Reuben saw! I ended up at 1,759 calories, 229 carbs, 51 fat grams and 79 protein grams. Here’s what I ate.

Saturday I woke up feeling beat. His parents came over around 10 a.m. and we did Christmas together (it had been delayed with all of the family stuff). They were, as usual, way too generous and thoughtful. They bought us a grill, grill stuff, gardening tools, lots of outdoor items, a Christmas puppy pillow for Reuben, tennisballs, giftcards, The Hangover and the list goes on. Everyone seemed to like the gifts we gave them so that felt really great! Afterwards I made Asian-inspired Lemon Chicken and egg drop soup, then it was time to shower and head to the visitation. It was a long, sad day. Visitation from 1 – 4 p.m. then over to his grandparents to eat…. visitation from 6 – 8:30 p.m. then over to his grandparents to visit/eat… we got home at 11:30 p.m. exhausted, mentally and physically. I don’t know the how the family is hanging in there… it was a long day. I worked on Austin's grandfather's funeral video and made some great headway, then passed at around 1 a.m. I ended up at 1,688 calories, 214 carbs, 52 fat grams and 78 protein grams. Here’s what I ate.

I thought yesterday was bad, but today was a hard one you guys. Lots of tears, lots of sadness, very emotional. It was a beautiful service and there wasn’t a seat in the chapel. After the service we went out to the cemetery, saw her off, then went to visit Austin’s great grandmother and great grandfather, who we saw off just last year and two years before that. Later we went back to his grandparents house and visited, ate lunch and said our goodbyes. Austin needed to get to Orlando - he flew out today so the last few days have also involved trying to work in laundry and packing.

Right now I feel sad, slightly overwhelmed and a little lonely. Sad over both losses for Austin and his family. Overwhelmed because I feel behind; behind at work and at home. I don’t even know where to start catching up. And lonely because I’ve been surrounded with people – more than normal you know? – but now it’s just me and Reuben bear and I miss Austin. I just need to look at the positive. The family will be okay over time, everything at work and home will get done and I know that, and I’ve missed Reuben bear over the busy holidays so it will be nice to get some one-on-one, right? I guess i'm just in a wallowing kind of mood which is kind of unlike me but sometimes it is what it is.

I’m now in bed watching Reservation Road. May not be the best idea – it’s kind of depressing! I need to get up and cook for tomorrow. Pack my gym bag. Get my work stuff ready. Do laundry. The works. But for now, I think I’m just going to try to relax with my sweet pupper.

I’m sorry this post is a downer. Tomorrow I plan to assess December and review January. As dorky as it may sound assessing and setting goals makes me very happy and positive! Haha I hope you’re all doing well – I’m off to catch up on your blogs now!